Remorse
by MairiNathaira
Summary: SLASH - SB/RL - What would’ve happened if James didn’t rescue Snape in time of the Shrieking Shack incident…


**Title: Remorse**

**Author**: Mairi Nathaira

**Rating**: PG-13

**Category**: Angst, Drama

**Notes**: Another one of those "What if" fics… another experimental fic.  I like to psychologically analyse my characters, so hence came this.  Thanks to Dawn for betaing!

**Summary**: What would've happened if James didn't rescue Snape in time of the Shrieking Shack incident…

**Pairing**: SB/RL

**Warnings**: Slash

**Dedications**: None

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter belongs to Warner Brothers and the wonderful JK Rowling. I do not own them, despite the fact I wish I could own SS, RL, and SB. The only thing that belongs to me is the story itself.

**Feedback**: mairi@aigoo-chamna.net All comments and criticisms are welcomed there. If it's flame then don't bother for I will put them in my trashcan or blog about it and laugh at you.

**

"Snape!"

-What have I done?-

"Snape, you bastard, get out of there!"

-What have I condemned him to?-

The werewolf, driven by its hunger and madness, jumped onto the frightened victim.  He howled once, and to James' and Sirius' horror, ripped right into the throat of Severus Snape.  Blood was gushing and soon the red liquid covered the wooden floor.  

"Remus! No! Stop!"

James transformed into Prongs, hoping to stabilise his friend and to save Snape.  Sirius stood there, dumbstruck and already knowing that Snape was dead.

-Is this what I wanted, truly?  To see my most-hated enemy killed by the hands of my best friend?-

Sirius looked up and saw Prongs trying to convince Moony to calm down.  Moony looked different… other nights he looked playful, yet strained at the same time.  Tonight he looked murderous.

-I never knew he could be like this.  I thought all of those stories about werewolves were myths.  Remus doesn't look like he'd harm a fly.-

Prongs gave up, realising that Moony was far too gone to even comprehend his usual company of friends.  He ushered Sirius out and transformed back to his original self.  He quickly turned around and bolted the door.  He grabbed Sirius' arm and ran out of the tunnel.  They reached the other end in a record of time and James, with a wild look started to scream at his best friend.

"Do you realise what just happened?!" 

Sirius numbly shook his head.

-What?  Other than the fact that the greasy git is dead?  No…-

"Remus just killed, in his werewolf form!"

Sirius continued to stare with a glazed look.

With a strangled yell, James grabbed the front of Sirius' shirt and shook him hard.  "You idiot!  Remus will be punished for this!"

"No he won't, the Headmaster will protect him…"  

James started crying, hard.  "Nononono!  He can't!  No one can protect him now!  Sirius, why?  Why did you send Snape?!"

-To keep that bastard away from MY Remus.  To keep him away… because I love Remus and I don't want anyone else near him.-

"… It… was a prank…"

"Prank my fucking arse!"  James let go of him and gave him a hard look through his tears.  "You were jealous.  You did this out of petty spites.  You thought that once Snape saw who Remus really was, he'd be leaving Remus alone, but no!  That didn't turn out that way did it?"

"…"

"Sirius, are you really that blind?"

"Maybe."  He clenched his fists.  "Do tell me what I am NOT seeing."

James shook his head and laughed bitterly.

-That laugh… it sounds so strange coming from James of all people.-

"You had no reasons to be jealous, Sirius.  Remus… loved you.  But you were blind to see that bloody fact.  You thought that Remus and Snape were seeing each other when really Snape was tutoring Remus in Potions."

Sirius paled.  "I…"

"Don't deny it, Sirius.  You screwed up big time… and now Remus will pay for it.  Not you nor I, but Remus."

**

Salvatore Malfoy looked at Dumbledore coolly.

"I knew you were eccentric, Albus, but allowing a dangerous, dark creature to come into Hogwarts?  That's out of the line for you."

"Salvatore…"  Dumbledore was cut off.

"Enough.  The School Board had unanimously decided to fire you.  And the Ministry acknowledged that the Lupin boy is to be executed."

"Surely you can give him a chance?"

The grey eyes stared into the non-twinkling blue ones.  "Only God, if there is one, can save that damned boy now, Albus.  He has killed and he will be punished for it.  You have no say in it whatsoever."

**

It was two hours before the execution.  Remus was chained to the wall.  He was beaten and tortured by the Ministry officials.  Never mind that he was still a teen.  He was now seen as a creature that should be banned from the face of the Earth.

The door opened and Sirius came in hesitantly.

-Merlin… what did they do to him?  I can barely recognise him.-

Remus opened his eyes and saw a blurry figure.  He could tell though by the smell that it was Sirius.

"Hey," he croaked, his voice nearly gone from screaming so much.

"Hi Remus…"

An uncomfortable silence passed between them.

"Well, yell at me, curse at me. Do something, Remus.  Get angry.  I deserve it."

Remus said nothing.

-Why isn't he yelling?  This silence is so much worse than the admonishing I should be getting.-

"There is no point in being angry now, Sirius.  No point.  I'll be dead soon, so there really is no point."

Sirius felt even worse than before.  "Remus…"

"Don't give me your pity.  I always knew I'd kill someone one day and it finally happened.  Being cursed with lycanthropy makes you realise that it's inevitable that you will kill someone."

"Remus… please… I'm sorry."

The other boy looked up with sad eyes.  "No I'm sorry.  Perhaps, if I'd admitted my love for you sooner, this wouldn't have happened.  But maybe even after admitting it, it still would have happened.  Who knows?  Life works in a strange manner."

"Please… I got James' Invisibility Cloak, you can escape…"

"And what?  Live like a fugitive?"  Remus glared at him.  "Thanks, but no.  I'd rather pay the consequences for my actions."

Sirius looked down at his feet.  Few minutes later he turned around and was about to exit when Remus said one last thing.

"I do love you, Sirius.  I do.  Please don't do anything stupid.  At least try not too okay?  And tell James and Peter that I loved them like brothers."

Sirius stifled a cry and turned back around and went to his lover.  "I love you too."  With that, he kissed Remus softly.  A few moments later, Remus kissed him back.

After kissing for what seemed like an eternity, Sirius broke the kiss and ran out the door.

Remus looked at the retreating figure and smiled sadly.  "I do love you… and I forgive you…"

**

The execution went on and it took place in Hogsmeade.  The Ministry had decided, in their own cruel way, to use a silver knife on Remus.  The executioner stabbed him through the heart and the silver slowly poisoned his system.  The next fifteen minutes were the most painful Remus ever endured.  What made it worse was that he was conscious throughout the whole procedure.  The crowd of wizards and witches that came to view the execution were entertained and were deriving pleasure from his pains.  Those that were close to Remus, didn't show up.  

It was two-thirty in the afternoon, when Remus Lupin took his final breath.  He was officially dead.

**

Sirius couldn't stand being at Hogwarts.  He decided to take his motorbike, which he'd hidden in the Forbidden Forest, and ride off on it.

-What have I done?  Why?  Why couldn't I get punished?  Why him?-

His mind was screaming throughout the whole day.  He couldn't stop thinking about what they'd done to Remus.  He couldn't stop imagining what the pain must have been like.  He was going insane.

He rode through the Scottish countryside.  Everything looked so peaceful, but the man on the motorbike wasn't.  

-Why?!  How could I ruin his life?!-

Sirius, too busy berating himself and being remorseful, didn't see a truck coming in front of him.  The last thing he recalled was bright light shining in his face and his world turning upside down.  Everything slowly went black and he told himself that he'd see Remus now and be with him forever…

**

"Sirius? Sirius?! Sirius! Wake up!"

Remus shook his lover, trying to get him out of the nightmare.  "Sirius, shhh."  He caressed Sirius' forehead, feeling the sweat on there.  "It's okay, Sirius.  I'm here.  It's only a nightmare.  Please.  Wake up."

Slowly, he opened his eyes.  They were unfocused.

"It was only a dream?"  His voice so low that Remus almost didn't catch it.

"Yes, Sirius.  It was only a dream, well more like a nightmare."

He shot up in the bed and stared at his mate.  He touched him to make sure he wasn't an apparition.  "Thank Merlin…"  Sirius kissed him and started to cry. 

Remus was comforting him.  "Shh… Sirius.  It's okay.  I'm here, I will not go anywhere."

"Yes.  Don't go anywhere, never leave me."

"I won't, love.  I won't."

Completed June 14, 2003


End file.
